Jellyfish (Young People These Days)

Note: As a biologist, I'm aware about 50% of people insist these are called sea jellies and 50% refuse to call them anything but jellyfish. I admit I don't care, because "jellyfish" is easier to say and sounds better for a title.

TL;DR Too many people are turning into jellyfish, and I encourage beg you not to be one.

If you either know me personally or read this here blog regularly (especially the most recent batch of posts), you've probably figured out that social interaction isn't exactly my forte. I'm a deeply depressive and highly anxious person, which is admittedly not the optimal set of stats for interacting with something as complicated as people. Having made it clear I'm bad at social interaction, I'm now going to rip into people at large over how bad they are at it. Hypocrisy status: acknowledged.

As a personal aside: given how little I enjoy interacting with the bulk of people, and how much time I spend by myself, if I do become your friend and make an effort to maintain that connection, you should both a) consider yourself one of a special, chosen few (because you are) and b) appreciate it, for lack of better verbiage. It's significant, maaaaan.

Now, all of that out of the way, I'm noticing an increasingly cnidarian pattern in the way people interact with me and with one another. Jellies behave in the following way: they drift indecisively on the current, occasionally powering themselves to approach and aggregate with other similar jellies. They spend the duration of their (sometimes extremely protracted) lifespan doing, basically, as little as possible, as far as real action. They even eat passively, trailing nets of tentacles behind them and waiting for something to stumble into their sticky trap, at which point they reflexively fire venomous stingers into the unfortunate passer-by and very slowly digest it.

Anatomically, it also bears mentioning that jellyfish have no brain, no spine, a single hole used as both mouth and anus, no heart, no well-defined guts, and very little muscle. That being said, guts and muscles have very limited practical applications in a society like ours, so I'll deal with the other things.

Let's deal with "no brain" first, because it's easy. To quote my dear ma: "The problem with you young people is you're always waiting for a better deal." My mother and I disagree on a great many things, but I think on this point she's entirely correct. People my age tend to be pretty spontaneous by nature, and that's fine; not everybody needs to plan everything as exactingly as I do, because God knows I'd live longer if I lightened up a little bit.

That being said, someone ought to have told us all by now that being spontaneous and being flaky are two extremely different phenomena. Spontaneous people text you at 11 P.M. asking if you want to go for a night drive to look at stars. Flaky people agree in advance to go on the aforementioned drive, and then as the time approaches, they become suddenly so busy that they simply can't text you at all. Then the moment is passed, you sit all dressed up with no where to go for a while, and the next afternoon you get a text that says "oh my god sorryyyyy i got so busyyyy :/." If you don't want to do something, you should just tell people explicitly. It's all right to change your mind; believe me, I've just explicitly told people "depression is eating my soul, and I don't want to move" to cancel plans before. It's okay.

Summary: commit, and if you must un-commit, just do it. 

"No spine" is a related issue with young people (as it should be, as another part of the central nervous system). In summary, people my age tend to talk a big game and play very little, if at all. The number of people I've had threaten me with physical violence of some kind over the past few years is a) already ridiculous and b) extremely likely to increase as a function of time, but the harassment always stops, instantly, the moment I stop being polite and bring it to an actual moment of confrontation.

It's the same situation as the infamous Political Discussion. Young people in congregation tend to espouse whatever political attitude they have at the moment, but when challenged we rapidly backpedal and adopt a more "reasonable" or "moderate" stance, just for the sake of avoiding confrontation and tension in our group. Similarly, I suppose it's easier to tell someone you're going to beat them up than actually try and do it, especially if that someone turns out to be a over foot taller and eighty or so lean pounds heavier than you are. This sounds fairly horrible, but it's gotten to the point where I want someone to carry through on their threats and actually attack me, solely so I can crush them against the pavement and obtain some form of closure and catharsis, as warped and empty as it might ultimately be.

Summary: do it m8 u wont.

Jellyfish, as mentioned above, use a single orifice as both their in- and out-port. As heavy-handed as the allegory is, I'll discard it for clarity: people my age are talkin' all that good shit. This relates to the issue of spinelessness, but is specifically verbal: young people will expound at great length about a person's less praiseworthy features... but only if said person isn't there to hear them or argue their own case. That feeds back into the confrontation issue, but how about this: we'll just have the confrontation, and argue, and be tense for five seconds, and then be friends after as normal. The gorillas have it figured out, so I think we bipeds can manage it. How is that restraining order coming, anyway? Still fictional? Oh, good, I'd hate to make somebody come serve it to me, in person, as is required. (common_statement.exe is now opening 455 new windows...)

Summary: "You was poppin' all that good shit a second ago!" -Colonel H. Stinkmeaner, The Boondocks.

The "no heart" point is at least a little more positive. To put it succinctly, I've noticed the majority of people my age, overwhelmingly, simply aren't comfortable with displays of emotion, either their own or others. This one is at least partially my fault, in fairness; I maintain a stony, dead mask of a face most times, and I don't particularly say anything deep unless I've gotten to know someone fairly well, so I understand how people might be taken aback. The obvious exception is when they're drunk, at which point all types of things become acceptable, but that's an entirely different problem for another post.

This one's a simple fix, too: tell 'em, as Soulja Boy taught us. Somebody makes you uncomfortable, tell 'em. I'm kind of spamming on about a theme with these last few posts, but in all seriousness, the number of problems in the world that could be solved by clear and honest communication is... I mean, most of them, really.

As an aside, I don't remember when emotion became something to be afraid of. It was sometime recent, for sure, because I was always the sensitive kid, and that was okay at the time. I don't know; lemme know what you think, dear reader.

Summary: don't be an awkward robot.

That's all I've got for you today. Let me know what you think (my email's listed on the profile page, if you can find it), and show this to your friends if you'd like, so they can be upset with me as well. Stinging me isn't entirely a jellyfish-like thing to do, so don't worry. :P

Edit: The email wasn't displaying, because I'm a monkey! It's breakingberkeley@gmail.com. Surprising, I know.

P.S. For that single, solitary, heroic individual who checks this blog without fail on a daily basis, make yourself known. I feel like I ought to get you a mug or something for your commitment.